Jamie Sims Coakley
Learning to Love Rejection
rejection; plural noun: rejections
-the dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc."the Union decided last night to recommend rejection of the offer"
-the spurning of a person's affections."some people are reluctant to try it, because they fear rejection”
Hello Beautiful Humans:
This week I received another “dreaded” rejection letter from a tv show pilot I submitted Freehand 2173, and myself as an author, too. It has me thinking about rejection and how I am learning to manage it and thought maybe some of my tips might help you in your lives as well.
Rejection comes in many forms and it is something we tend to fear in a way that can stop us from really going for our dreams. Whether it be in love, or in our creative lives, or in our careers, it is something we all think about and deal with often.
So, what is my personal relationship to rejection and what tools have I gathered to help me when I hear the dreaded words “No thank you!” How do we not take it personally when we hear “no thank you!”
At the end of the day, I have had to cultivate a trust in the divine plan for my life. Rejection is part of life. It starts early, possibly with family, and then when we want someone to be a friend and they don’t reciprocate. Fear of rejection intensifies as we reach puberty and start to “crush” on people who are not “crushing” on us. Then it the stakes get higher, perhaps it’s that college you really wanted to go to or that job you really wanted.
If we are paying attention, we want things that we later see would have been really bad for us if we had gotten them. There is an inherent mistrust we develop with ourselves and our desires. Do we really know what we want and can we trust that those wants are really best for us?
The short answer for me is, not necessarily. Perhaps we can trust the higher desire: To be loved, to make art, to be successful. But the path that we see for ourselves, the way we fulfill those desires, is almost always different than what we imagined. Our desires are clear, the path forward to reaching them are not.
One of the best things I have heard to help on my life path is “Do the footwork and leave the results up to god, or the universe, or your higher power, or the divine creative force in the universe. When we can truly get to that place of understanding that our sight is often limited, we begin to trust those rejections as the universal power working in our lives and that rejection becomes a spiritual “Siri” of sorts. Making sure we take the most efficient route to realizing our dreams and desires.
For me, I have realized that doing the work, the “journey’ really is the real pay off. Whatever things we go for to help us stay motivated, excited, and on our desired path act as catalysts towards our final destination. They set us in motion and then we stay flexible and adaptable on the path to our successes in love, careers and creative lives.
This last “rejection” was actually a win for me as I reworked and reimagined my novel pitch and spent a marvelous five days doing that AND creating a microfilm teaser for my novel which will be super helpful to me whether I decide to self publish or publish traditionally. The journey was incredibly fulfilling and it reignited the excitement I need to continue forward with my debut novel and gave me some new tools to tell the world about the wonderful story I was gifted! It made me focus and practice and gave me new confidence to promote my work. It also led me to a new novel idea which I have been researching and will be writing in November as part of NaNoWriMo! A lot of really amazing and wonderful things came out of me putting myself and my work out there, even if it didn’t secure me a “yes”!
Sneak peak just for my subscribers!
If you choose to live an authentic and full life, you have to face rejection. I believe fear of rejection is just about the only thing stopping us from realizing wonderful lives we can be proud of, without regrets.
I encourage each of you to experiment, to be brave, and to go for things—focusing on all of the good that comes from those adventures, even if part of the outcome is rejection.
Life is a beautiful and miraculous journey with so much to learn, feel, experience and contribute. You just have to shift how you look at the word “no” and see that even if the path forward looks different than you imagined, it is still a wonderful path to be on.
Your life, my life, our lives on this planet are truly amazing. Be brave. Be bold. Be whole. Bet on yourself and live your life!
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